~inner monologue extract~
~What a shit week, what an absolute betrayal of humanity, what a disappointment.
The amount of progress we withhold ourselves from, the rights we take from ourselves, the inability to see our class consciousness. A man who incited a riot at the capitol, who has had 26 accounts of sexual abuse, who stole private documents, who cried election fraud when he lost, who would not peacefully concede his position, who platforms racists, who promises removal of hard-working Americans due to arbitrary border lines, has infested us once again. It’s 85 degrees in November, the world is burning, more climate change solutions will be fought against, we’ll keep burning this earth for our future children for the sake of making money.
I have a lot to say and also not a lot to say; as my words do not feel apt. Those of my race and gender have long destroyed the world under its patriarchal grip and beyond advocating, I am largely powerless. To give into fatalism would be easy, nihilism is easy, compassion is hard. But it’s hard to garner any hope whenever two supreme court seats are up and we may find ourselves bound to a lifetime of regression, further spread of Christian nationalism, more deaths of women unable to access basic health care, deterioration of climate, the ending of loving marriages, people being denied life-saving gender affirming care, more hate spread in our rhetoric, further embarrassment to be an American.
Getting on here to share my silly opinions about things like music feels moot, hence the brevity. You begin to question why you do anything, you cannot fully give into despair, and we must be prepared to help those around us who are in danger.
And those who voted for this man are among us in troves. They are in our running groups, they are at concerts with us, they are in our grocery store, they are hiding beneath guises of progressivism. And they vote for those who seek to destroy the humanity and livelihood of many of my friends.
Too long have we fallen victim to hands of oppression of patriarchy. Bell Hooks speaks heavily of this in how it pertains to men, that it does hurt all of us. Conditioned to withhold emotion, compassion, and expression. That the only justifiable avenue of emotion in expression is through aggression, conflict, and power.
I vowed in the past few years that I would no longer be held to the unhealthy expectations of the men that came before me, that I would heal the parts within myself that are broken and that if I ever had kids, I would not pass down the same wounds the men in my life have carried for generations.
Take care of yourself this week.
~notes app poetry spill~
~12~
Breath weighted with such expectancy
My fingers linger near the phone
You never call, do you?
You drop pieces of yourself into my life like the slow leak of the faucet in my studio apartment
The same apartment where you showed me what lied within you that no other had glimpsed before
The intrinsic beauty of your heart, the sincerity of your voice, the salvation your eyes delivered
Now I sit, heart in my hands, phone in my palm, resting on the dial tone that was our relationship
All I ever needed was the slow drip of your soul into mine
~slice of life~
~two beer bill at a social gathering who finds himself removed from omnipresent social anxiety
~trying a new skill like vinyl DJing but struggling a lot with it, we all start somewhere
~stacking more running mileage and my knee is still holding up (pls don’t give up on me)
~had a good piece of cake
~Watched the movie Dìdi
I feel so seen and understood, from a very lonely child who wanted to film things and be a skateboarder but couldn’t do any tricks beyond a shove-it on grass.
~Watched the movie Desert Hearts
Gorgeous film, loved it, need more.
~techno~
Mix Rec: Frederic. | HÖR - November 6 / 2024
~If Frederic. posts a new set then it’s illegal for me to not feature it.
EP/Single Rec: Synthetic Meltdown | Lucas Boston
~Lucas’ low ends have always been killer, and he delivers again on this EP. Really excited to spin this out at some shows.
~indie~
~Such a romantic and tender live performance. The feeling of this emits the intimacy of this duo and they’ve always given such heart-felt music.
*general recs*
~ableton dump~
~Been a bit uninspired lately, but here’s a loop I made per the self-imposed rules of this substack I’ve set for myself to keep creating, unsure if I’ll fully arrange it.
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